It feels as if I got divorced a lifetime ago. My first year alone I definitely went through all 5 grieving phases: denial, bargaining, anger, depression and acceptance. Sometimes I would get to the depression phase and regress right back to bargaining or anger, needless to say it was quite a long process. I can honestly however say that I have firmly landed on acceptance but I do not think I’ll ever get over it or him, not entirely. 8 years with one person is a long time and it does take a while getting used to being single. After my ‘mourning’ phase I went through quite a wild phase I think to prove to myself I’m still desirable but with disastrous results and all it did was make me feel more lonely and depressed.
When you’re stuck in an unhappy marriage you tend to lose sight of yourself and the things that bring you joy. In fact I was so miserable that I did not even realise the extent of my unhappiness and accepted that this is how things should be. Three years later I have now embraced the fact that I am single and more importantly I am happy. I do what I want, when I want and I don’t need to impress anyone. I don’t need to check with anyone if I decide to go somewhere. I don’t need to cook (I hate cooking). In fact I live on cereal and toast and I love how liberating it is. Gone are the days when single women in or nearing their 30s are looked upon as old maids and spinsters. I don’t knit and I don’t own 30 cats.
At this stage I do not want to trade this freedom for anything else. I plan on travelling as much as I can. I do get asked my well-meaning family and friends if I would not like to have someone special in my life. For the longest time I knew I wasn’t ready but I knew I would heal in my own time and honestly, right now? I am that someone special. I’m selfish and focused purely on my own needs. Why shouldn’t I be? For almost a decade my existence was centred around making someone else happy. I just feel it’s my turn now. No apology or explanation necessary. I know some people find it hard to believe that a young woman can be single and happy but it is possible. It’s also possible to be alone and not feel lonely. Being an introvert means I’ve always been more comfortable on my own anyway. I’ve got so many hobbies, interests and things that keep me busy I wonder sometimes where and how a boyfriend will fit into this mish-mash that is my life.
Babies and marriage is not priority for me right now and hey that’s ok. It would also have been ok if it is my priority. Not that I know anything about the current dating scene I’m just that clueless. I also know guys can smell desperation and ticking biological clocks miles away. So I firmly believe things will happen when it happens and one cannot force it. Love will find me when I least expect it and I will be ready for it.
I found this great article online on being single and it really resonates with me and maybe it will with some of you as well.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. I’m a proud bachelorette.
I read and I write things 