Humorous

Grammar Police

I do apologise if this offends anyone but what has happened to the proper use of grammar or spelling? I know that I am no saint but I do try to get it right most of the time. Texting in the techno age is not helping anybody, the short hand youngsters use to communicate is crippling their ability to read and write properly. Sadly some adults are also quite guilty of making some basic errors.

In the workplace I am affronted on a daily basis with incorrect spelling – we have spell check people! Use it! You don’t even need to use your brain if you really don’t want to. Classic example of a misspelt word used in a colleagues’ report: Instead of UTILISE the word has been spelt UTERLIZE. I know I probably sound like a huge  nerd and yes there probably are more important things in life than grammar and spelling but I’m not asking for much. All you have to do is click on spell check.

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Humorous, Uncategorized

Whatever you do, don’t blink

This has been in my drafts for quite a while and then last week I got a plinky prompt called “When it comes to eye contact, where are you on the spectrum between shifty-eyed evader and unblinking intimidator?” so I figured I might as well post my version of this.

As someone who now uses public transport regularly one is confronted almost daily with people who stare at you. I would just like to warn the general public out there, don’t attempt challenging me as I will stare you down if I catch you glancing at me a) more than once and b) for longer than 2 seconds. Don’t believe me? Try me, I dare you. I will have you squirming in your seat and make your eyes tear and twitch without me even blinking or breaking a sweat. It’s just such a pet peeve of mine, can’t we all just look at the ground and our shoes? If you leave me alone then there will be no need for a stare-off and both of us can walk away unharmed.

Also on another semi-unrelated note: don’t you just hate it when you reading on the bus/train and the person next to you tries to read your magazine or book with you? Get your own damn reading material.

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Books, Humorous

Reading: not for the faint-hearted

Nobody tells you that people who love reading and I mean really love reading are a little bit obsessive about well reading I guess. There are a few things that we do, ok sorry that I do. But maybe some of you have experienced one if not all of the below chronic symptoms:

I realise one chapter into the book that I hate it but feel obligated to finish reading because I’m curious just to see how it ends. Even when the writing is really bad and the plot cheesy.

After realising I hate the book I resign myself to the fact that I am going to finish it and would never dream of reading the last page to see how it ends – that’s cheating and there are very strict rules about this. Flipping to the end does not guarantee I will have a clue what has happened and I might have to back track and prolong my misery even further.

If I have however started reading a book that I love and can not put it down from the first syllable I will torture myself to finish it. Torture will include:

Reading until 1am, looking at the time and saying to myself “If I go sleep now I still have 5 hours of sleep”. This countdown continues until I only have 1 hour of sleep left, I blink and before I can count any sheep my alarm for work goes off.

I will continue reading even when the conditions in my surrounding environment worsens eg. diminishing daylight but will refuse to get up and put on the light. If a family member or friend walks by and (upon finding me squinting in the dark) turns on the light I usually exhibit vampire-like behaviour. My pupils will go into shock but I will also be relieved and amazed at how bright the light is.

When I discover a new writer I literally smile inside and wonder A) Have I been living under a rock all these years and B) What other books does this writer have so that I can devour it all in one sitting.

I have the ability to read very fast by skimming over words I don’t need which includes ‘is’, ‘the’, ‘of’, ‘at’, etc. The faster I can read the more I can read, it’s called greed. I know it becomes a problem when I ignore all calls and don’t answer the door.

I lose track of time, hours sometimes even days it’s almost like blacking out. I lose the ability to function at full capacity. At some point I have to force myself to eat or go to the bathroom. Once I’ve reached this stage it will be too late to save me. All I ask is to please scatter my ashes in the local library.

Finishing a book also never truly satisfies me especially one that I am enjoying. I start becoming anxious when I know the adventure is almost over and know that the only way to overcome that empty, hollow, lost feeling is to find another good book and fast.

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introvert, Life

Yes really, Yes again

Why do people find it so hard to believe that I am quite happy to stay home and read my book. during the week I work hard and after work I usually have classes. So when weekend rolls around all I want is some downtime after being around others the whole week. I need some alone time to recharge my lil introverted batteries.

And contrary to popular belief reading is fun. I am capable of shaking my booty till 4 in the morning to but I choose not to. The first phase of my youth (and I refuse to say ‘when I was young’ cos well I still am young) was spent on clubbing and parties, my second phase will be spent doing things that really makes me happy. Life’s too short to spend in a dark room with strobe lights, loud music and meeting people where generally no lasting connections will made.

So tonight I will be snuggling up in bed with my book after all it’s winter, it’s really cold and wet out.

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