comedy, Humorous, Life

Too good not to share

From the introvert’s corner on psychologytoday.com

Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions for Introverts

      Comebacks to the clueless things people say to introverts.

Why are you so quiet?

  • I’m listening to the voices in my head.
  • Somebody has to be.
  • I’m studying to be a mime.

Smile!

  • Why?
  • I can’t. Tragic Botox incident.
  • I will when you go away.

Why are you always so serious?

  • I’m only serious on the outside. I’m partying on the inside.
  • Always? Have you been stalking me?
  • Because the universe is expanding, and if it’s expanding, someday it will break apart and that would be the end of everything!

Are you mad?

  • No, just eccentric.
  • Why, what have you done?
  • Not yet.

Do you hate people?

  • Not all people.
  • Only people who ask me that question.
  • No, they’re delicious with a nice Chianti. (Thanks Hannibal Lector)

Are you a snob?

  • No, I’m a slob. That must have been a typo.
  • Of course not. I’m here, aren’t I?
  • No, I pride myself on my low standards.

You look bored.

  • Don’t be so hard on yourself.
  • This is my rapt face.
  • Only when you talk.

You don’t know how to have fun.

  • Sure I do. Tell me when it starts.
  • I didn’t know “fun” was a synonym for “loud.”
  • You’re right, I’m outta here.
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fashion

Jelly shoes

Remember those? I thought they were so gross and with Cape Town’s summer weather this did not bode well for a girls feet. But Melissa’s jelly shoes are becoming more popular with designer’s such as Vivienne Westwood and Jean-Paul Gaultier also lending their creative talents to the brand. This Brazilian brand has been around for 30 years already but has gained more popularity over the last few year especially now that the world and retailers are moving towards eco-friendly production and materials.

All melissa plastic shoes are made from a material called Melflex™ It is a malleable plastic, developed by melissa that molds easily to your foot, breathes well, is hypoallergenic, odorless, neutral and natural. It even retains these properties once it is recycled. Melissa recycles 99.9% of factory water and waste, and they recycle overstock styles into next season’s collection. Each melissa shoe is non-leather, they will not degrade in weather or water and are completely suitable for vegans and animal rights supporters.

Read more at http://www.melissaaustralia.com.au/ – pictures from their website and the web.

 

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Books, Humorous

Happily ever after….the sequel

So where was I? Ah yes, what happened after they say ‘I do’. I’ll try to keep this one short and sweet.

Belle of Beauty and the Beast: They may have broken the spell but we seem to forget that this Beast guy was a major snob and needs to go to some anger management classes. “If she doesn’t eat with me, then she doesn’t eat at all” Ladies abuse and domestic violence is no joke. I see Belle leaving him all alone and travelling the world before settling down in a small village similar to the one she grew up in and opening her own school.

Rapunzel: dandruff and lice, nuff said. Unkept women = not sexy.

Sleeping beauty: halitosis, narcolepsy and quite possibly 100 hundred years of insomnia after such a deep slumber.

Jasmine: Jas and Al after finding oil on their land didn’t realise this is the beginning of the end and that years later the USA would be sending troops into the Middle East.

Ariel: way to go girl, you give up your identity for love. Who would give up the ability to breath underwater? Pretty soon she’ll be yearning for the ocean again.

Ok, I gotta stop being such a cynic. On a lighter note I immensely enjoyed all these stories and Disney movies. And sigh……love does conquer all.

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Uncategorized

Lomography Part 1

Each year I have a theme. 2010 was trying new things: Extreme Sports. 2011 was doing things I’ve always wanted to but never got around to: Italian, Surfing and Guitar. 2012 is going to be Lomography. It’s like photography but better. The Golden Rules of Lomography:

  • Take your camera everywhere you go
  • Use it any time – day and night
  • Lomography is not an interference in your life, but part of it
  • Try the shot from the hip
  • Approach the objects of your Lomographic desire as close as possible
  • Don’t think (William Firebrace)
  • Be fast
  • You don’t have to know beforehand what you captured on film
  • Afterwards either
  • Don’t worry about any rules
http://www.exposuregallery.co.za/ had the below info on Lomography – Exposure Gallery can be found at the Old Biscuit Mill in Woodstock.
What the Hell is Lomography?

In the early 1990’s we, at that time students in Vienna, Austria, discovered a small enigmatic Russian camera; the Lomo Kompakt Automat. Together we started a new style of artistic experimental photography with our first unorthodox snapshot cavorts. Our approach: taking as many photographs (Lomographs) as possible in the most impossible of situations and from the most unusual of positions possible, and then having them developed as cheaply as possible. The result was a flood of authentic, colourful, crazy, off-the-wall and unfamiliar snapshots, shot by many people and mounted on panels to form a sea of thousands of Lomographs; the LomoWalls.

No digital cameras though and old school 35mm film is used.

http://www.lomography.com/

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languages, Life, travel

Full circle and that fork in the road

One of the things that I wanted to be whilst growing up was a writer. Being an avid reader this seemed to just be the next logical step (read then write) and after having discovered Roald Dahl my mind was made up. However once I got to high school I got bombarded with choices and got well …..confused.

After much ado though the fashion and retail world called out to me and because I went start to work after school I had to study fashion buying part-time and got my ‘big’ break at a fashion retailer as an assistant. After years of working my way up through the ranks I’ve made the startling discovery that this is not what I really want to  do anymore.

The 2 things that I’ve learnt about myself this year (well I always knew but just didn’t listen to my inner voice) was that I have a love for languages and literature. And never knew how much I would enjoy writing until I stared this blog. So next year I will start my bachelor of arts degree specialising in language, literature and creative writing and majoring in English and Italian. In conjunction with a Tefl or Celta course this will give me the opportunity to teach English overseas and to travel the world. Who knows I might even end up freelancing for Vogue magazine. And we all know how I feel about magazines.

First time that I feel at peace with myself about the direction of where my life is headed, which will hopefully be off the beaten path.

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Books, Humorous

Happily ever after?

Ok, so you gotta wonder what happened to our favorite princesses after they met and married their princes.

Here’s what I think could have happened:

Cinderella (firstly what the heck is up with her name, because cinder according to freedictionary.com means cinder [ˈsɪndə] a. A burned or partly burned substance, such as coal, that is not reduced
to ashes but is incapable of further combustion. So if her name is derived from this well then it is rather unfortunate.) Then after squeezing her dainty size 2 feet (has to be this small because after a nationwide search it would only fit her feet) into glass slippers (surely this could not have been comfortable, I mean you get really cool plastic shoes, which will be a post for another day) and finally getting out from under the clutches of evil stepmom and 2 evil step sisters (by the way Cinder’s dad is really a poor judge of character) she got to spend the rest of her life with the man of her dreams. Because even after only one night of dancing you just know he is “the one”.

But wait I digress, I’m not entirely sure things were all rosy at the castle after the wedding being lil miss humble she probably kept her old clothes and was constantly mistaken for the help. Another important point is the fact that she is a bit of a doormat and well guys love confident self-assured women and soon prince charming was straying. I don’t even think catching him in bed with another woman would throw her into a fit of rage. He’ll keep cheating and she’ll keep pretending nothing is wrong.

Snow white and another evil stepmom (what is with these dad’s and their choice of second wives) Skin so pale, she must go through foundation and concealer like crazy. Evil stepmom wanted this kid’s heart as proof that she was killed (gruesome, real gruesome). Snow white ends up living with 7 strange men who I believe some of them must have been into narcotics and could they quite possibly been dealing in blood diamonds? She also then slaves away for them with the help of her forest friends (makes me wonder what kind of mushrooms she was eating). Girl Power, now that’s putting woman on their place. To make matters worse she accepts things from strangers, I mean really now. Didn’t she ever go to Don’t talk to strangers 101? She then supposedly chokes on a poisonous apple hmmm….I’m thinking bulimia (with her size zero curves of course evil step mom was envious and constantly checking her mirror) and the apple just got caught in her throat cutting off her air supply. Kiss of life wasn’t really a kiss but the Heimlich manoeuvre and CPR.

Prince has to pay for a lifetime of therapy for Snow White as she has some serious weight and trust issues as well as being traumatised after evil her stepmom’s plummet to her death and of course there was still the mushroom withdrawal symptoms.

PS New Snow White movie December 2012

Ok, that’s 2 down, I did not know that this post would turn out to be this long. Tomorrow I’ll tackle the other lovely ladies.

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