Life

Finally a freak no more

The one thing I like about getting older is that it becomes perfectly acceptable to have quiet weekends spent at home doing absolutely nothing. When I was younger most people/friends expects one to be out and about every waking moment of the weekend. How exhausting, right?

I finally don’t have to act as if I’m a normal person and whilst pretending to enjoy myself. At parties I find it particularly hard as I sometimes need to go to the bathroom just to give myself a time out from the crowd. But with age comes confidence and I don’t feel the constant pressure to apologise to wanting to go home early. I get to decide when is enough. Clubbing is something I now only do occasionally. I’d rather be in a restaurant or pub with a few close friends.

I answer only to myself and my happiness (not pleasing others) is what is most important to me.

Happiness - photo of coffee shop window

Happiness - photo of coffee shop window

 

 

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Life, movies, travel

Letter to my Soulmate

Dear Soulmate

Did you know that there are over 7 billion people in this world spread across 196 countries? Well I just thought you should know that. I also want to ask your forgiveness as I realise that I have some unrealistic expectations of you.

Forgive me for assuming that you live in the road/neighbourhood/town/city/country that I live in.

Forgive me for assuming that we have the same religion.

Forgive me for assuming that we speak the same language.

Forgive me for assuming we are the same ethnicity.

Forgive me for assuming that you are a member of the opposite sex.

Forgive me for assuming that we will meet in our 20’s have a big white wedding and then promptly proceed to move into our home with its lovely white picket fences.

Forgive me for not waiting for you and deciding to be with someone, anyone because I do not want to feel lonely.

Forgive me for not choosing solitude to work on my happiness and personal growth so that when we do meet I will already be the best of me.

Forgive me for having a list of what I think you should look like and be like.

Forgive me for not opening myself up to opportunities so that I can find and meet you.

Forgive me for watching too many romantic films as it has skewed my perception of what and who you are.

Forgive me for thinking that we are destined to spend the rest of our lives together.

Forgive me for thinking that you are the answer to all my problems.

I know that despite my ignorance you will forgive me because you understand me completely.

Love Always,

Me

People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. – Elizabeth Gilbert, journalist and author of Eat, Pray Love

Images: www.weheartit.com/

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Life

Anger Management

I’m not someone who gets angry often and the few times when I do get angry or have an argument with someone I am incapable of staying angry. I am also incapable of holding a grudge (we all know how pear-shaped those things can go, did you see the movie?)

Even after an argument chances are that you will find me laughing and joking with the very person that I had the confrontation with. I just find it easier to let go than to stay angry. FYI staying angry takes energy and isn’t there some old saying or scientific fact that says it takes 43 muscles to frown and 17 muscles to smile?

I’ve seen first hand how people choose not to speak to friends or family for months sometimes even years and unbeknownst to them live with resentment and negative feelings. I’m not saying I’ve never stayed pissed off at someone for longer than a day. There have been incidents in my life where I felt had every right to be angry but that never brings one joy or happiness and it certainly doesn’t solve anything.

There is one quick question that I always ask myself when I get really angry: How will I feel about this exact moment exactly one year from now? Usually the answer gives me some perspective and calms me down.

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Life

The bachelorette

It feels as if I got divorced a lifetime ago. My first year alone I definitely went through all 5 grieving phases: denial, bargaining, anger, depression and acceptance. Sometimes I would get to the depression phase and regress right back to bargaining or anger, needless to say it was quite a long process. I can honestly however say that I have firmly landed on acceptance but I do not think I’ll ever get over it or him, not entirely. 8 years with one person is a long time and it does take a while getting used to being single. After my ‘mourning’ phase I went through quite a wild phase I think to prove to myself I’m still desirable but with disastrous results and all it did was make me feel more lonely and depressed.

When you’re stuck in an unhappy marriage you tend to lose sight of yourself and the things that bring you joy. In fact I was so miserable that I did not even realise the extent of my unhappiness and accepted that this is how things should be. Three years later I have now embraced the fact that I am single and more importantly I am happy. I do what I want, when I want and I don’t need to impress anyone. I don’t need to check with anyone if I decide to go somewhere. I don’t need to cook (I hate cooking). In fact I live on cereal and toast and I love how liberating it is. Gone are the days when single women in or nearing their 30s are looked upon as old maids and spinsters. I don’t knit and I don’t own 30 cats.

At this stage I do not want to trade this freedom for anything else. I plan on travelling as much as I can. I do get asked my well-meaning family and friends if I would not like to have someone special in my life. For the longest time I knew I wasn’t ready but I knew I would heal in my own time and honestly, right now? I am that someone special. I’m selfish and focused purely on my own needs. Why shouldn’t I be? For almost a decade my existence was centred around making someone else happy. I just feel it’s my turn now. No apology or explanation necessary. I know some people find it hard to believe that a young woman can be single and happy but it is possible. It’s also possible to be alone and not feel lonely. Being an introvert means I’ve always been more comfortable on my own anyway. I’ve got so many hobbies, interests and things that keep me busy I wonder sometimes where and how a boyfriend will fit into this mish-mash that is my life.

Babies and marriage is not priority for me right now and hey that’s ok. It would also have been ok if it is my priority. Not that I know anything about the current dating scene I’m just that clueless. I also know guys can smell desperation and ticking biological clocks miles away. So I firmly believe things will happen when it happens and one cannot force it. Love will find me when I least expect it and I will be ready for it.

I found this great article online on being single  and it really resonates with me and maybe it will with some of you as well.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. I’m a proud bachelorette.

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Life

It is easier to find an excuse than to find a reason – Doug Brown

Most of us make excuses about why we aren’t living the lives we want or doing the things we love. It takes a very brave person to not only discover the dream/passion but also to pursue it. The company I work for has made improvements to the systems that we currently work with and unfortunately this has resulted in people losing their jobs or unsure about what their future might hold. Here’s the thing: none of us really knows what life has in store for us but it is our duty to shape as much of our destiny as we possibly can.

Too many of these people some of whom has been with the company for years sadly only see this as negative and not as an opportunity or catalyst for change. Even as the most loyal of employee there are no guarantees in life. The only thing in life that is constant (other than death and taxes) is change. They find it easier to complain about their job and company for years yet are not willing to make a change in their lives. They believe they are either too old or not qualified enough to pursue anything else.

It’s at times like this when I am most proud of my mother – who not only at her age was still able to find a new job but she also discovered what it is that she really wants to do. She is registering at varsity and getting her teachers diploma. She plans on teaching, travelling and hopefully one day soon starting her own literacy school to empower and educate others.  50 is the new 40, it’s never too late and you’re never too old. She puts other people her age and younger to shame and is a great inspiration and role model. So ask yourself: What am I doing to change my life for the better? Albert Einstein once said “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing  over and over again and expecting different results”.

 

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Life, music

Mountain o’ things

I was listening to some Tracy Chapman today at work and this song really struck a chord with me:

Mountains O’ Things lyrics

The life I’ve always wanted I guess I’ll never have
I’ll be working for somebody else until I’m in my grave
I’ll be dreaming of a life of ease and mountains
Oh mountains o’ things

To have a big expensive car
Drag my furs on the ground
And have a maid that I can tell To bring my anything
Everyone will look at my with envy and greed
I’ll revel in their attention and mountains
Oh mountains o’ things

Sweet lazy life
Champagne and caviar
I hope you’ll come and find me
Cause you know who we are
Those who deserve the best in life
And know what money’s worth
And those whose sole misfortune
Was having mountains o’ nothings at birth

Oh they tell me
There’s still time to save my soul
They tell me
Renounce all
Renounce all those material things you gained by
Exploiting other human beings

Consume more than you need
This is a dream
Make your pauper
Or make you queen
I won’t die lonely
I’ll have it all prearranged
A grave that’s deep and wide enough
For me and all
my mountains o’ things

Mostly I feel lonely
Good good people are good people are only my stepping stones
It’s gonna take all my mountains o’ things
To surround me
Keep all my enemies away
Keep my sadness and loneliness at bay

The life I’ve always wanted I guess I’ll never have
I’ll be working for somebody else until I’m in my grave
I’ll be dreaming of a live of ease and mountains
Oh mountains o’ things

I’ll be
dreaming
dreaming
dreaming…

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