Life, Uncategorized

Rollercoasters and forks

2015 has been my most eventful year emotionally. Before this year, I thought I have been tested to my capacity but oh boy was I wrong. I don’t even really think there is a way for me to recap this year and I do not think that my words would be able to do it justice. So much has happened.

When last I blogged, I had lost a loved one, been retrenched and taken a customer service agent job at one of the top airlines in the world. I tried to make the best of life as it happened, some days were easier than others. To say that call centre work was not for me would be an understatement, I was just not cut out for that shit. Being called a fucking retard was pretty much just a normal day at the office. Oops, did I say day, I meant night. For some reason I ended up on night shift most of the time which wrecked havoc on my sleeping patterns, health and even my moods. I literally had no life, never saw anyone or went anywhere, all I did was work and sleep. To top things off I became a target for gossip, rumours and was bullied and victimised by the coaches who assisted in training me. Basically modern day mean girls. I could not believe what was happening. It was like being back in high school. Needless to say I did not last long there and gave minutes notice, I walked out of that place and never returned.

Luckily, I was offered a job the very next day. I was back to doing what I knew and loved, buying for an e-commerce company. I was hired as the homeware and appliance buyer for the biggest deal site in South Africa and globally. Alas things were not meant to be, the environment was too target driven and I was constantly threatened that if I did not start to meet targets and earn commission I will be replaced. Not exactly a work environment conducive for performing. I struggled here because throughout my career my focus and way of doing business has always been about building lasting and mutually beneficial relationships with my suppliers. This seems not to have been valued, instead a hard push for deals is all that seemed to matter. Add to the mix a manager who only values money, expects constant family time sacrifice, disregard for ones personal goals or work life balance…oh and swearing, well you’ve got a recipe for disaster. I resigned three months later, I was the fifth person to resign within the three months that I worked there.

So now here I am again, back at square one with zero job prospects. The only good to have come from my time at that job was I met my future business partner. Once we both decided on our own that this was not a culture fit for us, we thought perhaps we could start something of our own. So even though we are both broke and living off our credit cards, we are working hard at building our empire.

I am optimistic about 2016 and even though I have no resolutions for the new year I do have dreams and goals that I am working towards.

Until next time…

 

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Life

The now

So the retrenchment possibility became a reality and I spent my time at home studying for my first semester exams. I have spent the time off looking for work but to no avail. For some reason buyer jobs are not that easy to find. I am either over or under qualified and I have received so many rejection letters from retailers that my skin has thickened considerably.

In the interim I took a call centre job at a well-known airline company and what started out as something promising quickly turned into a nightmare toxic work environment. It quickly became known to me that I was the victim of some nasty rumours and was being bullied by two grown up females. Now I know what you might be thinking, you’re an adult, so are they, just confront them. Unfortunately these are not the type of people you confront. They will see any sort of reasoning as a personal attack. I figured if I ignored them for long enough they would eventually tire and grow bored as all bullies do. Alas no, they just kept at it. Then I did something I have never done in my entire working life, I quit, with immediate effect and walked out same day. I felt free and at peace with my decision.

The next day I awoke and had a freak out, I was unemployed and had bills to pay and I really did not want to lose my car. I love my car. I just got her. I feared separation anxiety. Thankfully I did not have to worry to long because shortly after, I received a call from a company that interviewed me recently and offered me a job as homeware buyer. To say I was relieved would be an understatement. I felt blessed and extremely thankful. My months of stress and anxiety has finally come to an end or at best this is a reprieve from constantly worrying. So new job, new beginnings and I can now focus on getting that degree done now that I have one less thing to worry about.

This post can in no way explain what the year so far as been like. It has been an emotional roller-coaster. Losing my job, being rejected from numerous companies seriously affected my self-esteem and self confidence. I doubted myself too often. Taking a job where I earned way way less than I was used to in order to make ends meet was tough and almost soul-destroying. Especially in an environment I was not used to where professionalism and basic manners seemed to be optional.

I know that I would not have made it through this difficult time without the support of my family and friends and their unwavering faith in me. They have been and will always be my fiercest cheerleaders. Now I look forward to something new. I look forward to proving myself in my new job, because it is something I am good at. I look forward to the next phase in my life.

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Life

F5 – Refresh

So to say things have been crazy would be an understatement. Hence my absence on this blog. A broken laptop, non-consistent internet connection and a crazy schedule has thrown writing by the wayside.

The last time I wrote I mentioned that my company might be merging with another. This January the merge has been approved. It has been and still is an uncertain and stressful time as I am unsure if I will still have a job after April. For the most part I have been keeping positive but it is not always easy. What a way to start the year and with each new year like most people we all want to do and be better. I have never been a fan of New Years resolutions but this year I am making an exception. Although I am not truly viewing it as resolutions but more as lifestyle changes. Below is my list of changes (and already existing habits) that I intend to implement:

Rediscover my passion for writing (literally as I am typing these words I realise how much I have missed it). I aim to write a minimum of one blog post per month and to start doing things and living a life worth writing about.

Pick up my camera again – I can’t even remember the last time I took photos. If it means taking up a 30 day photo challenge to kick start my hobby then that is what I will do.

Focus on my studies, as in not only the bare minimum but actually setting time aside daily to study for at least an hour. This way I won’t stress when exams come around and I will feel more prepared. Also better grades and who doesn’t want that.

Travelling – since I came back from my 1 year hiatus away from the real world I have not been able to give travelling a second thought. I have decided to no longer put off my desire to go to Italy. My next trip abroad will be Italy no matter what. I want to hit the big 3 (Roma, Venezia and Toscana) and spend the bulk of my trip in Bologna in Emilgia Romanga. I do still want to incorporate smaller trips, weekends away in and around Cape Town. I tend to forget tourists spends thousands of Rands every year just to travel to Cape Town and I am still not taking full advantage of what my home country has to offer.

Jogging – I used to jog regularly but an ankle injury a couple of years ago put an end to that. I started again end of last year, not pushing myself too hard and it has been going well. That is, until my ankle problems popped up again. This time however I am taking action. I went to see my GP, went for x-rays and I am waiting to be referred to a specialist. I will do everything I can in my power to heal myself so that I can take up jogging full time again. In the meantime I will stick to walking, swimming and yoga to keep fit and help me achieve my goals.

Eating well, as in eating as healthy as possible and watching my calorie intake. In theory it is simple, expend more energy than you consume and weight loss will follow. My doctor has recommended that I try banting (high fat, medium protein and low carb diet), but I am not a fan of diets especially ones that are too restrictive. I think most people know what the healthy choices are, it’s just a matter of making these lifestyle choices habits. I also do not believe of depriving myself of anything as that often results in binge eating on the forbidden food.

Find balance – with all of the above floating around on my to do list I want to remember to take time to relax and focus on things that bring me pleasure and that is not goal-oriented.

Be more spiritual – find the time to talk to God, this is something that has dwindled to non-existent in my life. There was a time when I was constantly plagued with doubt about who is up there watching over us. I do however realise that whenever I pray I feel better and this is a feeling that I want to hold on to for as long or often as possible.

Stop-multitasking – I used to think multi-tasking was an essential skill but I have come to realise that spreading myself too thin is not good for me in the long term. Even a simple thing as watching a movie. I find myself watching a movie or a series and being on my phone at the same time. Instead of just relaxing and enjoying some down time, I feel that doing two things at once will somehow save me time. At work it’s the same, I have numerous tabs open and end up taking forever to finish something. I want to focus on the task at hand and do that to the best of my ability. Also to-do lists are underrated.

Zero-clutter – I dislike owning too many things. This is one thing that I am generally good at. The minute I buy myself something new I get rid of or giveaway something old or that I no longer have any use for. Years of moving around honed this skill. The less you own, the less there is to pack and unpack and should I ever decide to pack up again and live overseas there will be less to get rid of or to put into storage.

I have shared some really personal things in this post which I don’t normally do. But this will be the focus of my blog. I find it easier to write about things that have a true meaning for me or things that I struggle with daily. I will talk more about my weight-loss journey as this is my biggest goal for the year.

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