To lose a loved one

You never really recover from the loss of losing a loved one. You think you’ve got it under control and when you’re going about your daily life it seems you hardly have a moment to spare them a thought.  But then it somehow creeps up on you, out of the blue, like today.

I lost my cousin to cancer when she was 24 years old, today would have been her 28th birthday. Sometimes I can’t even believe it has been that long already. We grew up as sisters, inseparable even with the 3 year age difference. We told each other everything. We used to finish each others sentences and sometimes we would blurt out the same thing at the exact same time. We were synchronized, soul-mates.

As we grew older we drifted apart a little because I wasn’t always happy with what I believed to be self-destructive life choices she made but when she cried for help I would always come running. She knew that without any doubts. We knew no matter what we would drop what we were doing to comfort each other. I wish she was here to see how much braver I have become, to see that I have followed my dreams. She was always so full of life even when she knew she had lost the battle to cancer and knew that she was busy dying she was able to make me feel hopeful. She had that effect on everybody. She blessed us all with her light and her laughter.

She left behind a beautiful son who is in the care of her mother. I hope she is able to see how wonderfully he is growing up. He is a constant reminder of the amazing person that his mother was. She wanted this child of hers so badly against the advice of the doctors. Even when we were all telling her not to do it and to proceed with chemo. She simply refused.She refused to have him terminated. She refused more chemotherapy to carry him to term. A week after his birth they had to amputate her leg. So selfless was her love for this child that she brought into the world. Did she know on some level she would not be around for long? I believe she wanted to leave behind a part of her goodness and her pure spirit.

I remember her last weekend at home when I bathed her. She was so frail and light I easily lifted her out of the tub. Gone was the girl I knew but my heart will never forget her. Today I weep in remembrance of her life and suffering she had to endure.


2 thoughts on “To lose a loved one

  1. Pingback: Don’t forget to laugh | circa1982

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s