comedy, Humorous

Which blogger are you? A sort of parody

1. The personal blogger – they tend to drone on and on about the daily going ons in their lives and isn’t a blog just the perfect platform to force feed their readers another story about that horrible colleague with the halitosis? No one cares about that strange rash you have. Over-share much? It’s like sneaking a peek into someones diary, creepy.

2. The fashion blogger – Doting boyfriends who trail after their girlfriends taking pictures of their clothes. Everyday!?! Have you nothing better to do? I do so envy your fabulous life though – free clothes, international fashion shows, you even have give-aways and competitions (how neat) and thanks so much for those helpful make-up tutorials I don’t know how I would have applied my mascara otherwise.

3. The travel blogger – wait no this is the blogger I envy. Exotic far-flung places and free accommodation? What a great combination. Please let me stay at your establishment for free. I promise I’ll write you a stellar review for all 10 of my readers. Apparently it is possible, we can all live this life. Seriously, we can’t all be travel writers. It is not really possible for every Joe Blogg to sustain a lifestyle based purely on travel and writing. You make it sound so easy but the truly succesful travel bloggers has secondary means of income.

4. The amateur photographer blogger – oh see this lovely picture I took of a spoon in Rome. Look at how the angle of the light is reflecting off the spoon. Marvelous isn’t it? Who would have thought something so simple could be so beautiful? Now look at this blade of grass. See how I captured its essence. Anyone with an iPhone, SLR or even just a regular point and shoot can now go pro. Annie Leibovitz? I could teach her a thing or two.

5. The mommy blogger – the morning school runs, the nanny/maid issues, the paranoia, the non-existent sex life, your kids bowel movements. No topis is taboo. Motherhood is so hard but I make this s@#t look easy. Just stop trying to be superwoman, kids are more resilient than we give them credit for.

6. The serious writer blogger – no funny posts here. I’m trying to get published dammit.  I’m such a tortured artist. Nobody understands me. I’m going on a hunger strike. Buy my e-book in the meantime though – only $2.00, paypal accepted.

7. The foodie blogger – your grandmother whispered the secret family recipe to you on her deathbed? Well kudos for posting on your blog. I’m sure she’ll be so proud of you. Also stop enticing me with photos of perfectly prepared dishes. I know that if I try it will look nothing like yours. I do not have a direct link to Nigella like you. In fact I live on toast and cereal, this is all a bit much for me. Too much work and I ‘d rather just go to my favourite restaurant and order whatever I feel like eating. Much easier.

8. The self-help guru blogger – if your life is in shambles look no further. I’ll show you how to change your life and be the happy person you deserve to be in 12 easy steps. No this is not AA but follow this link if you do have a drinking problem.

9. The cat blogger – stories of your cat, pictures of your cat, guest post by your cat using its furry little paws. Catwoman was sexy. You? Not so much.

10. The financial adviser blogger – yes you too can have financial peace of mind.  Not only will I show you how to become debt free and save for that rainy day but I’ll show how I made millions by investing, playing with the stock market and even insider trading. No it’s not all illegal and in fact it’s all the rage these days.

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2 thoughts on “Which blogger are you? A sort of parody

  1. Hi there!
    I guess I’m #2…sort of. My hubby is the photog, he humors me. I do have a real job, don’t get free clothes (I wish), don’t get invites to fashion shows, and haven’t done a give-away…yet. Just an old lady trying to survive the empty nest.
    I did enjoy your list tho…

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