From the introvert’s corner on psychologytoday.com
Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions for Introverts
Comebacks to the clueless things people say to introverts.
Why are you so quiet?
- I’m listening to the voices in my head.
- Somebody has to be.
- I’m studying to be a mime.
- I can’t. Tragic Botox incident.
- I will when you go away.
Why are you always so serious?
- I’m only serious on the outside. I’m partying on the inside.
- Always? Have you been stalking me?
- Because the universe is expanding, and if it’s expanding, someday it will break apart and that would be the end of everything!
Are you mad?
- No, just eccentric.
- Why, what have you done?
- Not yet.
Do you hate people?
- Not all people.
- Only people who ask me that question.
- No, they’re delicious with a nice Chianti. (Thanks Hannibal Lector)
Are you a snob?
- No, I’m a slob. That must have been a typo.
- Of course not. I’m here, aren’t I?
- No, I pride myself on my low standards.
You look bored.
- Don’t be so hard on yourself.
- This is my rapt face.
- Only when you talk.
You don’t know how to have fun.
- Sure I do. Tell me when it starts.
- I didn’t know “fun” was a synonym for “loud.”
- You’re right, I’m outta here.