Books, Humorous

Happily ever after?

Ok, so you gotta wonder what happened to our favorite princesses after they met and married their princes.

Here’s what I think could have happened:

Cinderella (firstly what the heck is up with her name, because cinder according to freedictionary.com means cinder [ˈsɪndə] a. A burned or partly burned substance, such as coal, that is not reduced
to ashes but is incapable of further combustion. So if her name is derived from this well then it is rather unfortunate.) Then after squeezing her dainty size 2 feet (has to be this small because after a nationwide search it would only fit her feet) into glass slippers (surely this could not have been comfortable, I mean you get really cool plastic shoes, which will be a post for another day) and finally getting out from under the clutches of evil stepmom and 2 evil step sisters (by the way Cinder’s dad is really a poor judge of character) she got to spend the rest of her life with the man of her dreams. Because even after only one night of dancing you just know he is “the one”.

But wait I digress, I’m not entirely sure things were all rosy at the castle after the wedding being lil miss humble she probably kept her old clothes and was constantly mistaken for the help. Another important point is the fact that she is a bit of a doormat and well guys love confident self-assured women and soon prince charming was straying. I don’t even think catching him in bed with another woman would throw her into a fit of rage. He’ll keep cheating and she’ll keep pretending nothing is wrong.

Snow white and another evil stepmom (what is with these dad’s and their choice of second wives) Skin so pale, she must go through foundation and concealer like crazy. Evil stepmom wanted this kid’s heart as proof that she was killed (gruesome, real gruesome). Snow white ends up living with 7 strange men who I believe some of them must have been into narcotics and could they quite possibly been dealing in blood diamonds? She also then slaves away for them with the help of her forest friends (makes me wonder what kind of mushrooms she was eating). Girl Power, now that’s putting woman on their place. To make matters worse she accepts things from strangers, I mean really now. Didn’t she ever go to Don’t talk to strangers 101? She then supposedly chokes on a poisonous apple hmmm….I’m thinking bulimia (with her size zero curves of course evil step mom was envious and constantly checking her mirror) and the apple just got caught in her throat cutting off her air supply. Kiss of life wasn’t really a kiss but the Heimlich manoeuvre and CPR.

Prince has to pay for a lifetime of therapy for Snow White as she has some serious weight and trust issues as well as being traumatised after evil her stepmom’s plummet to her death and of course there was still the mushroom withdrawal symptoms.

PS New Snow White movie December 2012

Ok, that’s 2 down, I did not know that this post would turn out to be this long. Tomorrow I’ll tackle the other lovely ladies.

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